December 2010
1 post
Summing up the Wonder of the Internet
This is what happens when CraigsList, Google and Twitter work together in brilliant harmony. Step 1: Stumble on a ridiculously overpriced item on CraigsList: Step 2: Call them out by writing them a secretly snarky e-mail: (the other ornament mentioned in this message is a 1987 edition, listed here for $20.) Step 3: Tweet about the amazingly high price and the inaccurate date of the items in the...
November 2010
4 posts
AH! Turkey Coloring Contest IV
Do you guys feel like doing this again? I suppose it’s a tradition at this point. Like wearing pants outside or giving the finger to Mike Rowe while explaining to no one in particular that people can’t honesty come up to him all the time and ask, “Why Chevy, why now?” Past winners: 2007, 2008, 2009. email (haasertime at yahoo.com) them or post a link in the comments...
How Not to Display Your World Series Trophy
The Twins announced a few planned improvements to their not-quite-new ballpark yesterday, including a big video board in right-field, more radiant heating and wireless. They will also try to eradicate some of the glare issues from the batters eye that the Twins constantly complained about, as if that were the reason Michael Cuddyer had a sub-par year. Still, it will probably have a greater impact...
Ryan Adams & the Art of Challenging Your Audience
In the history of music, there has never been an artist as skilled and musically erratic as Ryan Adams. When a popular music figure makes music unlike an earlier and more popular release, the critics always say they are “challenging their audience.” And Ryan Adams is the king of that phenomenon, to the point that his fans have either accepted the challenge or turned away confused and...
1 tag
Alright Hamilton MailBag: Offseason Questions
The offseason is officially underway and things are already getting interesting. The Twins have picked up Jason Kubel’s option and declined Nick Punto’s, but they’re far from done. Here are some letters I’ve received wondering about the direction the ballclub will take this winter. Q: I know the Twins have a lot of guys who aren’t under contract for next season....
October 2010
3 posts
1 tag
World Series Preview
Like most baseball fans, I have no rooting interest in this years World Series. The Yankees have already been eliminated, leaving two underdog-type teams to fight for their first title in a long time (or ever). I suppose I’ll cheer for the Rangers, since they’re the ones who knocked off New York. Besides, I like when the American League asserts their dominance over an obnoxious NL...
Nothing Really Matress - Fire Gardenhire?
Well, that was disappointing. It wasn’t crushing, though. At least the Twins had the dignity to get dominated, rather than suffering heartbreaking late-inning losses. The home team also primed their fans for disappointment by losing a load of games at the end of the season, wiping out any momentum and fan excitement. Now it’s time for fans to figure out what went wrong and then turn...
2 tags
2010 Playoffs - High Fashion
There are a lot of emotions heading into the Twins - Yankee division series. These feelings of fear, pride and hope can’t be put into words, but they can be expressed with the help of The Family. Unbeatable Twins Coverage…Sortof. Alright Hamilton!
September 2010
7 posts
The 20 greatest Twins Sports Illustrated Covers
20. 3/17/03 - I didn’t care to read Frank DeFord’s article on Kirby Puckett. All I know is that the cover made me extremely sad, and the piece pissed off the Twins so much that no players or executives would ever talk to DeFord again. You can read a really good critique of the article here. 19. 7/5/82 - The Twins were certainly awful their first year in the dome, losing 102 games. But...
1 tag
Craig Finn Does It Again
This song kicks a whole bunch of ass. Craig Finn, leader of The Hold Steady and a Minneapolis native, recorded this song with something called The Baseball Project. I’m not sure what that is, but I know they rock. The song is entitled “Don’t Call Them Twinkies,” and sounds like an upbeat, rocking Hold Steady song. But the lyrics are the pure genius, and speak of a true...
1 tag
Homer Hanky History
Everyone knows the two famous Homer Hankies, the ones that directly contributed to the World Series Championships of 1987 and 1991. These are the classic Homer Hankies. The font and simple slogans were great. They were perfect for their time and place - they just fit right in there. The next Homer Hanky came in 1997: As you can tell, these Homer Hankies really aren’t technically Homer...
1 tag
Weekend Blog Notes Post
Updated AL standings: (Tuesday morning) Yankees 91-59 Twins 90-60 1 Rays 89-60 1.5 Rangers 83-66 a bunch If it were 1968, the Twins would be in the middle of a massive pennant race, just a half game from the World Series. The game is certainly slower, with lower stakes now, yes? I suspect Gardenhire will give some...
Twins Wreck White Sox
Frank did fine, but seemed to throw wild after he got a bit frazzled. Last nights MVP: Jesse Crain struck out Paul Konerko and Manny Ramirez with the bases to preserve a one run lead. Great Job. He was the Crainwreck earlier this season, and was almost released. Then he became the Crain Train. How is this possible? Asian titanium ion balancing necklaces? Braided hemp necklaces? Buca shell...
Gopher Football Free Verse
South Dakota?? South Dakota.. South Dakota!! Brewster “feels your pain”, After another perplexing performance. And now he must go. Student sections half empty. Weber whines pessimistic. “Unacceptable” results. Please go away soon. Where is Mason? Free, untethered to new heights. Where is Brewster? Rock bottom, out of sight. The pass drops from the receivers palm Flies away,...
1 tag
The part where I jinx the Twins by talking about...
The Twins start a three-game series on the south side tomorrow night. It’s nice to know that we’re no longer looking at the central standings, but compiling some standings of our own: UPDATED Yankees 88-57 - - Rays 87-57 .5 GB Twins 86-58 1.5 GB Those are the best records in the American League. The playoff picture is pretty...
August 2010
3 posts
1 tag
An Ode @FanaticJack
Here it is late August, and the Twins sit in first place They’ve played so well, there may not even be a race. By most standard metrics, they are on the right track but one fan begs to differ, his name’s Fanatic Jack It’s hard to understand why Jack’s opinions have become so negative that he calls each player a bum To the frontier of pessimism, and never looking back A...
1 tag
You Can't Write Good Songs Because You're Over the...
Tupac was shot dead at age 25. Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Buddy Holly and Jim Morrison all died when they were just 27. By the time The Beatles hit 30, they were disbanded. Like baseball players, it seems musicians and song writers have usually peaked when they enter their 30’s. The below list is the top ten songs of all time, according to a Rolling Stone story done in 2004 which polled...
Scott Baker...YOU MAKE ME WANT TO SMOOOOKE!!!
I now understand what went through Mel Gibson’s mind when he had a roflmao moment on the phone with his Ex. Watching Moon Shot give up hits where you can see tails of flames coming off the ball makes me say horrible things about women. Jim Thome, you make me happy. Orlando Hudson, you are my current favorite Twin. John Rauch, DFA, anyone? Kubel, fifty f*cking bombs. Wow guys, this blog...
July 2010
2 posts
1 tag
Delmon Young makes me go crazy with happiness
What do you think Mr. Talking Badger? He looks really uncomfortable when not hitting in his customary 7th spot.Unbeatable Twins Coverage…Sortof. Alright Hamilton!
1 tag
Twins Twitter Followers Sing!
During Friday’s game, a few of the @minnesotatwins twitter followers got to lead the singing of ‘take me out to the ballgame’ A good time was had by all. __________________________ There’s been a lack of activity around here lately. No one has felt like writing anything. Or even explaining why they don’t feel like writing anything. I’m taking a step back for...
June 2010
5 posts
Philadelphia Phillies Stream of Consciousness
The Twins finished up their homestand by practicing their take-out slides at second base against Ubaldo Jimenez and the Rockies, which helped them to drop to five and four on the homestand. Next, they head to Philadelphia to take on Ryan Howard and the Phillies. I don’t know much about the two-time defending NL champs, but I know I like their uniforms. Do any other professional teams make...
1 tag
A Unique Vantage Point - Target Plaza.
Last night my friends and I decided to bicycle down to Target Field and hang around outside on the plaza. It was a nice little evening, and I highly recommend the experience to any Twins fan who doesn’t have tickets to every game. The plaza is a beautiful space, with green grass, huge baseball gloves and topiaries. Although the field isn’t viewable, there are speakers carrying the...
Are injuries part of the game? Nah, let's complain...
Nice disabled list management, Twins. First, J.J. Hardy injures his wrist sliding into third base on May 4th, after which he was placed on the DL on May 6th. He finally came back onto the roster on May 25th. In his brief time between DL stints, Hardy hit just 5-for-38 with two RBI. After a cortisone shot and watching his batting average tumble from .250 to .217, Hardy returned to the DL. He...
1 tag
Teaching BronxBoi sabermetrics: BABIP
This is probably a terrible idea, but our judgment here at AH! is often clouded by our gigantic bleeding hearts for those that our uninformed. In this spirit I will attempt to educated the always-controversial Bronxboi in the ways of sabermetrics. He tried his own hand at sabermetrics, and I don’t think anyone but himself was too impressed. So, in our first (and possibly last) installment we...
Perfecto Devalued: 1998 Twins say thanks.
Once upon a time in Yankee Stadium, Tom Kelly’s Twins couldn’t manage to get a runner on against lefty David Wells. The 35 year-old had thrown just the 13th perfecto in the history of major league baseball. Perfecto is spanish for Perfect. Minnesota didn’t exactly have a team of all-stars in 1998, trotting out players like Brent Gates and, I’m not kidding with this one.....
October 2007
1 post
Random Thoughts
by Michael Haas - On channel 11 at 4pm, there’s this show called ‘Kare OnLive’ It’s like a weird variety show with Diana Pierce and Pat Evans. It’s cool because it’s an interactive show, with viewers adding to the program by chatting online. Today, they asked one of my questions. It was so cool! My roomate requested that they shout out to our Troy who is in the...